Thalia Marrington, Cornwall Councillor and Chair of the Council’s Working group on Violence Against Women and Girls (VAWG), shares why she is so passionate about 16 Days of Activism.
As I look through my emails, my heart sinks. Another desperate woman uprooted; another family displaced; another instance of domestic abuse. Services have kicked in, but the utter turmoil and distress the woman is experiencing is heartbreaking. It’s now just about surviving day to day amidst chaos and uncertainty.
On the news, a celebrity defends himself righteously against a litany of complaints from women. He uses their ages and class as a means of dismissing them. A man is found guilty of murdering Lisa Welford after a long history of domestic abuse. At the time of Lisa’s murder, he was subject to his third Domestic Violence Prevention Order (DVPO). I could go on, and on. The timing of these events coincides with 16 Days of Activism, but you could pick any days of the week or year, and the story would be the same. There will always be pertinent examples.
This is why, every year since I was elected as a local Councillor, we’ve come together as a community in Penzance to stand in solidarity and raise awareness of the issue of Violence Against Women and Girls (VAWG).
I am so proud of our town and the people of Penwith. 16 Days of Activism has become an established event in our calendar, starting on 25th November - International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women – and ending on 10th December – Human Right’s Day. 16 Days of Activism is part of the UN’s global campaign against gender-based violence, and it feels right that we begin the campaign with a solidarity walk to call for an end to violence against women and girls. This year, over 200 people came together to do just that. You can watch ITV’s news coverage of the event.
But while at grassroots level there is huge support for this campaign, why do we not see this reflected by our politicians more widely? In the face of more needless deaths, rising levels of abuse and violence, little is heard from many politicians and I certainly never see evidence of this ‘watershed’ moment that was once talked about.
We hear from the police too about a ‘relentless focus on perpetrators’, and that ‘VAWG will be treated with the same response as counter terrorism’, but I don’t feel that many women survivors would say they see this. Our courts haven’t got the capacity, delays are lengthy (if you get to the point of a charge) and women often then decide to withdraw. This government has indeed promised to halve VAWG in a decade and there are welcome signs, but where is the urgency to improve things for women survivors that is so vital?
So, please, please wake up Westminster.
Why do we still have to teach girls from an early age to be constantly on their guard, to cover their drinks to avoid spiking, to not let their guard down when in a social situation, to think carefully about whether their clothes could be seen as provocative, to avoid confrontation, to not to rise to provocation, to let it go - ‘they’re just being laddish’, to let people know where they are going at all times, to be careful not to antagonise a drunk partner.
Haven’t we moved on at all?
My call is for collective action from our women MPS.
While 263 female MPs is not a true representation of the population of women in this country, at 40% it is the highest number ever in parliament. This must be the moment to work collectively on this single issue and find a way of delivering the government’s pledged commitment to halving VAWG in a decade.
Now is the time for our female MPs to call for real action as their collective voices would be heard.
I look to brave and inspirational Gisèle Pélicot, who has waived her right to anonymity during her husband’s rape trial so that she could change the narrative for rape survivors. She said:
“It is not for us to feel shame, it is them [the perpetrators].”
Seeing the men facing trial for rape should give cause to pause and reflect. 50 men are accused alongside her husband, men aged between 26 and 74, from all sorts of professions – just ‘normal’ men. A nurse, a journalist, lorry drivers, a cook, a prison warden.
"It is time for society to look at this macho, patriarchal society and change the way it looks at rape."
Even the judge in the trial thought the videos of the rapes ‘shouldn’t be shown as they were shocking and indecent’. Yet, that is exactly the point – these are shocking and indecent crimes, and the perpetrators should see what this looks like in the cold light of day. Following intervention from Gisele’s lawyers, the videos were shown.
Our response to domestic abuse and sexual violence is not good enough. It seems that the normalisation of abuse and sexual violence is still happening; this is mirrored in the appallingly low conviction rates and lack of accountability, particularly for sexual violence. Are we really protecting women like Harshita Brella too, whose husband was subject to a Domestic Violence Protection Order? She is now dead, with the police hunting her husband. Sadly, in a recent report, only 1 in 10 sexual assault survivors say they would report again.
Our politicians seem often reluctant to admit that we have a problem with male violence. We know that any government can be good with words of sympathy, but this is an issue that needs strong action. I believe, however, that you cannot solve anything without facing up to and acknowledging what that problem is.
We can see what an unequal society leads to in places like Afghanistan and Iran, where women are silenced and are being written out of society. Even in America, following the recent election, where the chilling message from some about abortion rights could be seen online - ‘your body, my choice’.
For our society to become ‘more equal’, we need our police and our criminal justice system to work better for female victims. We need schools to educate on this issue so that young people are not growing up potentially only learning about how to treat women/or how to expect to be treated from misogynistic influencers and pornography. We need to make sure that there is not another girl killed where the death cannot be recorded as due to domestic abuse because she isn’t 16. We need young people to know what domestic abuse and coercive control is, and how to identify when a relationship isn’t healthy.
As a Councillor, I see the damage to frightened families - suddenly uprooted from all they have known, living in emergency accommodation for months on end, leaving friends and family, and still fearful.
The cost of ‘not dealing with’ VAWG and domestic abuse is astounding, around 20% of police reported crime is domestic abuse related; the health service, as well as patching up recurring and serious physical injuries, has to deal with the long-term mental health of abuse victims; temporary and emergency housing must be found in many situations. There is also the long-term physical and mental damage inflicted on children, which is heartbreaking.
It is in all our interests to develop better responses to domestic abuse and violence against women.
As I prepare for my Women in Politics session for 16 Days of Activism later this week, I reflect on these past years as a Councillor. It was the murder of Sarah Everard that drew me to politics. Hearing talk of better streetlights from politicians, but no talk on dealing with the issue of ‘male violence’ made me determined to get elected myself to change this.
Sometimes I do wonder - are we actually getting anywhere – the news cycle of male violence against women seems to just continue, there is still so much to do. Being labelled ‘sexist’ and ‘misandrist’ simply for speaking up on this issue is frustrating too – whataboutery has no place here – if we get things right for women, we get things right for all people suffering domestic abuse and violence. More than ever, we need everyone, including men, to be involved and working alongside us to solve this issue - together.
Challenging VAWG should not stop after the 10th December, we should challenge and work on this issue all year round. We owe it to Gisele Pelicot and all the other survivors to ensure that shame does change sides, and we do change society.
But right now, here in Penzance we will do what we do best - we will come together as a strong community, showing the way and doing our bit. So, from the Far West to Westminster, please take note of our call and please, please do your bit too.
Could you help shape things in your community? Do you want to make a difference? Come on women – Cornwall needs YOU!
Thank you for writing this, for campaigning, and for supporting desperate women.
Thalia, this is brilliant. Thank you.
A Thank You from Abi
Thank you for sharing this important information and for being there to support survivors. Together, we will work tirelessly to stamp out this epidemic of abuse.
I stand with you, and I too am calling on all our women MPs to take action and join us in making change happen.
With gratitude and hope,
Abi